On Becoming Illegal

This is an actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator.

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA

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Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040. And by all means, do pass this to your friends so they can save on this great offer .

If you have any problems, please contact:

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
Phone (202) 224 3254

Take The Challenge!

This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying it over and over again to see if you can outsmart your right foot, but you can't. It's preprogrammed in your brain! So how smart is your right foot? Find out because it’s pretty neat! Simply following the simple instructions below. Please note, if you’re left handed do it in reverse using your left hand and foot.

1. While sitting where you are , at your desk, in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!

I told you so! And there's nothing you can do about it. You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done, you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so. Send it to your buddies, to frustrate them also. By the way, from an orthopedic surgeon.

Visiting The Emergency Room

The other day, I needed to go to the Emergency Room.

Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on a set of old Air Force fatigues and stuck a patch that I had downloaded off the Internet onto the front of my shirt.

When I went into the E. R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.

Feel free to use the patch above the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.

Hangovers

And they talk about Potheads...
Please!, at least potheads
don't act like this, let alone KILL.

How To Save the Airlines

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell--they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and ' special services.'

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right--a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

Please Note: I cannot assure you that Bill Clinton truly singed this!

Mardi Gras 2009

Politician

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

+ Tourist: $5
+ Broiled Missionary: $15.00
+ Fried Explorer: $20.00
+ Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, Why such a price difference for the politician?

The cook replied, Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of shit, it takes all morning.

Oscars 2009

Sean Penn for "Milk"

Best Picture "Slumdog Millionaire"

Kate Winslet for "The Reader"

Great Orators of the Democratic Party

Yesterdays Democrats:

'One man with courage makes a majority.' - Andrew Jackson

'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.' - Franklin D. Roosevelt

'The buck stops here.' - Harry S. Truman

'Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.' - John F. Kennedy

And for today's Democrats:

'It depends what your definition of 'IS' is?'' - Bill Clinton

'That Obama - I would like to cut his NUTS off.' - Jesse Jackson

'Those rumors are false ..... I believe in the sanctity of marriage.' - John Edwards

'I invented the Internet' - Al Gore

'The next Person that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads up their ass.' - Joe Biden

' America is--is no longer, uh, what it--it, uh, could be, uh what it was once was...uh, and I say to myself, 'uh, I don't want that future, uh, uh for my children.' '' - Barack Obama

'I have campaigned in all 57 states. - Barack Obama

'You don't need God anymore, you have us democrats.' - Nancy Pelosi (said back in 2006)

'Paying taxes is voluntary.' - Sen. Harry Reid

'Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he.' - Hillary Clinton (said back in 1998)

Source Unknown

Stimulus Bill Explanation

Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says, "I don't understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?"

The professor replied, "I don't have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I'll be glad to explain it to you." The student agreed.

At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.

They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, "First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can." The student did as he was instructed.

The professor then continued, "Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it." The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.

The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.

The confused student asked, "Excuse me, but why are we doing this?"

The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper.

The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.

However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied, "All we're doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you'll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!"

The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, "Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill."

By Brad Banko

Ebonics

Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman, from Florida, has complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names. She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal.

I am NOT making this up! She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in Language that street people can understand because one of the problems that happened in New Orleans was, that black people couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation, due to the racially biased language of the weather report.

I can hear it now: A weatherman in Miami and Tampa says ...

Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitch be a category fo'! So grab yo' chirren, yo' Ho, be leavin yo crib, and head fo' da nearest guv'ment office fo yo FREE shit!

Author Unknown

Where Our Money Is Going!

A letter by a Florida teacher ... A teacher speaks

This is a subject close to my heart. Do you know that we have adult students at the school where I teach who are not US citizens and who get the PELL grant, which is a federal grant (no pay back required) plus other federal grants to go to school?

One student from the Dominican Republic told me that she didn't want me to find a job for her after she finished my program, because she was getting housing from our housing department and she was getting a PELL grant which paid for her total tuition and books, plus money leftover.

She was looking into WAIT which gives students a CREDIT CARD for gas to come to school, and into CARIBE which is a special program (check it out - I did) for immigrants and it pays for child care and all sorts of needs while they go to school or training. The one student I just mentioned told me she was not going to be a US Citizen because she plans to return to the Dominican Republic someday and that she 'loves HER country.'

I asked her if she felt guilty taking what the US is giving her and then not even bothering to become a citizen and she told me that it doesn't bother her, because that is what the money is there for!

I asked the CARIBE administration about their program and if you ARE a US Citizen, you don't qualify for their program. And all the while, I am working a full day, my son-in-law works more than 60 hours a week, and everyone in my family works and pays for our education.

Something is wrong here. I am sorry but after hearing they want to sing the National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough. Nowhere did they sing it in Italian, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German or any other language because of immigration. It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it was written. The news broadcasts even gave the translation -- not even close. Sorry if this offends anyone but this is MY COUNTRY.

IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY SPEAK UP --- please pass this along. I am not against immigration --- just come through like everyone else.

Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes, live by the rules AND LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all other immigrants have in the past.

PART OF THE PROBLEM, Think about this: If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone --- YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is Time for American’s to Speak up. If you agree —– pass this along, if you don't agree then move to another country!

Author Unknown

Stimulus Package Clearly Explained

Lately, US taxpayers have been bombarded by the news media with news about the proposed economic stimulus payment. This is a very exciting new program. To make it easy to explain and understand, the Q and A format will be used:

Q. What is an economic stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send back to US businesses and to the taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get the money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. Does it then mean that the government is giving back to the taxpayer his own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for the taxpayer to spend the money to make purchases (such as, a high-definition TV set), thereby stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Below are some helpful advice on how to help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely.

1) Do not spend the money on any foreign-made products, such as:

appliances, clothes, toys, since the money will only go to China;
cars (foreign), it will go to France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Korea, or Sweden;
computers, it will go to China or India;
electronic gadgets, it will go to China, Germany, Japan, or Korea;
fruits and vegetables, it will go to Chile, Guatemala, Honduras, or Mexico (unless you buy locally-grown organic produce);
oil and gasoline (except US oil products), it will go to the Arabs, the Mexicans, or Hugo Chavez of Venezuela;
any other useless trinkets and crap, it will go to Bangladesh, China, India, Indonesia, Malaysia, Philippines, or Taiwan.

None of the above will help the American economy.

2) Keep the money in the USA by spending it on only US-made products and services:

automobiles only (Chrysler, GMC, Ford);
beer and wine (domestically produced);
funerals;
prostitutes;
sports event (baseball or football games);
pawn shops;
tattoos;
weddings;
yard sales.

These are the only businesses which are still in the USA and American-owned.

Author Unknown

Smile

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

The Coroner tells the Inspector: "First body is a 72 year old Frenchman. He died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile."

"The second body is an Irishman, 25 years of age. He won a thousand dollars on the lottery and spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, 66, struck by lightning. "

"Why is she smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

"Thought she was having her picture taken."

Author Unknown

Credit Card Scam

With the hard economic times, all kinds of scam artists are prowling and phishing . . . by phone, internet, regular mail, or other means to victimize some innocent and unsuspecting person. One of the credit card (Visa or Mastercard) scams going around is to get the victim's credit card's 3- or 4-digit security number!

WARNING:

The only time you should give any kind of information --- such as, your credit card number and/or 3- or 4-digit security number which is located on the backside of your credit card (the side where you normally put your signature) --- is when you yourself have initiated an official and legal business transaction, such as a telephone order or purchase, and you are charging it to your credit card.

Otherwise, NEVER give any kind of information to anyone over the telephone, the Internet, or any kind of correspondence!

For more information click here.

Gotta Get Me One Of These!

Specially In Light Of The
Stimulus Package Signed On Tuesday
787 Billion Dollars Worth Of
"The Government Fucks Me Every Day"

Somthing's Terribly Wrong!

Did you know that an immigrant/refugee in the USA, who has never worked a single day in the USA and who has never contributed a single cent to Social Security, can apply for SSI and various forms of U.S. government aid which include "free medical care" (Medi-Cal or Medicaid), food stamps, rent subsidies, etc.?

Did you know that an immigrant/refugee who applies for the various U.S. government aid programs can receive a monthly check deposited directly to his/her bank account, and that the check could amount to much more than the monthly Social Security retirement pension received by the "average" US citizen on hourly wages, who worked for and contributed to the Social Security Fund for 40 or more years?

Did you know that the monthly check an immigrant/refugee receives can amount to as much as $1,890.00 per month?

Did you know that an immigrant/refugee can also receive an additional $580 (or more) monthly from the Social Services Department for a combined total monthly check from both the federal and state government of about $2,470 a month? How's that for having never worked in the USA and having never contributed a single cent to Social Security? Not bad, eh? Compare that amount to the typical, "average" retired US citizen- and-hourly-wage-earner's monthly Social Security pension check of $1,500 or even less after having worked and having contributed to the Social Security fund for 40 (or more years).

Well, you and the rest of us long-time legal residents and citizens of the USA can "thank" the clowns in the federal and state Congress(es) for this terrible act of injustice to the legal US citizen/worker. And to add insult to the injury, the clowns in Washington DC have plans to allow ILLEGAL aliens to get a nice slice of the Social Security pie, too! Really nice, eh?

Perhaps, the US citizens on monthly Social Security pension of $1,500 or less should apply as "refugees" so that they, too, can receive at least $2,470 per month!

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Now that you've seen graphically how our supposedly 'honorable' elected representatives, lawmakers & policy wonks in both federal and state Congress have "screwed" us [and are continuing to do so] . . . please pass this information on to every law-abiding US citizen you know.

Source Unknown

Outhouse Art - LOL

Signs Of The Times

"Nowadays, if you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone."

Author Unknown

Happy Valentine's Day

"Why Are We" by Eric Leven on Vimeo.

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With all we know about HIV and STD infections, why is anyone still having unprotected sex, specially with perfect strangers? Unless your 100% certain that the person you're sexually active with is monogamously yours don't take the chance ... play safe, cover up!

This Valentine's Day love yourself and protect each other!

P.S. This message is not just for gay men, but for anyone engaging in unprotected sex.

A True Friend

Remembering A Little Angle

Caylee M. Anthony

You Have Touched Our Hearts
Have Fun Dancing With The Angles

We will take care of the rest

Positive Is Still Positive!

The Issue

A division of Johnson & Johnson has asked federal regulators to grant full approval to an HIV drug designed to treat patients who have stopped responding to other treatments.

The Food and Drug Administration gave Intelence preliminary approval in January under its accelerated approval program, which allowed J&J to market the drug. In order to gain full approval, FDA required the company to submit follow-up data on the drug's effectiveness.

Data submitted by J&J's Tibotec unit showed that 60 percent of patients taking the drug for four months had undetectable levels of HIV in their blood compared with 39 percent of patients taking a placebo.—Gay.com

My Issue

Lets not get all excited … not just yet anyway! We are certainly making great strides in medicine, particularly in the area of HIV/AIDS. The Johnson and Johnson study is very promising and hopefully it will be successful. However, don’t let this bit of news mislead you!

Having “undetectable Levels in your blood” is not the same as being HIV negative. This simply means that when tested you will not pop positive for HIV … that’s all! Therefore, just because one states or claims to be “undetectable” is not the same as being HIV negative ... you are still infected with the virus! And this virus can still be transmitted through sperm (oral, anal, and vaginal sex), as well as blood (broken or torn skin in the mouth, rectum, or virgina).

Safe sex should always be practiced with whomever you are sexually active with, unless you are proof positive that your partner is not engaging in sexual activities with multiple partners or outside of the relationship, and even then, be careful … be VERY careful. The only insurance you have in knowing for sure that you or someone is HIV negative is being tested. There is still NO CURE for AIDS.

Really Kewl Trucks

Why Can't U.S. Driven Trucks Look As Kewl?

Again, Washington At Its Best!

What’s in the $780 billion stimulus?

$43 billion plus in transportation infrastructure investments.
$27 billion for highway, road and bridge investments.
$8.4 billion for public transit investment
$2 billion for high speed rail
$1.3 billion for FAA airport improvement facilities and equipment
$850 million for Amtrak
$250 million for grants to states for investments in high speed and inner city passenger rail.
$100 million to maritime administration for assistance to small shipyards.
$76.8 billion plus in education investments.
$39 billion for state fiscal relief targeted directly for education.
$13.9 billion for Pell Grants.

$13.5 billion for special education funding: This would bring the federal government closer to the promised 40 percent of the national average per pupil expenditure for every child in special education. This will help relieve the increasing burden at the local level to cover the rising costs of special education, and allow districts the flexibility to retain support staff and teachers in the classrooms where they are so desperately needed.

$10.4 billion for title I: The additional investment in Title I is a critical investment towards children in poverty. As more and more children are classified as poor during this economic downturn, this substantial additional investment will help local school districts ensure that their academic needs are being met.

ENVIRONMENT

$6.4 billion for water and sewer infrastructure.
$3 billion plus for job training.
$3.25 billion for workforce investment programs.
$160 million for Job Corps healthcare.

$87 billion in temporary and targeted medicaid relief to states: Leading economists have found that targeted aid of this sort will generate increased economic activity of $1.36 for every $1 spent. Moreover, with unemployment up, the number of people who are eligible for Medicaid also rises. Increasing the federal investment in Medicaid will shore up the safety net for those vulnerable families.

HOUSING

$5 billion for supplemental grants to public housing authorities for capital needs.

ENERGY

$4.7 billion for state and local energy efficiency block grants.
$4.4 billion for smart grid to improve the reliability of electricity transmission grid.
$2.9 billion for weatherization programs.
$2 billion for advanced batter manufacturing.
$7 billion for loan guarantees for standard renewables.

HOMELAND SECURITY

$800 million for construction of ports of entry.
$500 million for firefighters assistance grants science.

Source: AC360° Blog—To read more click here.

As for the list below, how in the hell is the following going to help put me back to work? I work in the hospitality industry … where is there anything in this “stimulus package” that’s going to help me and those like me? As a matter of fact, how’s this going to help most American’s?

$8.4 billion for public transit investment.
$250 million for grants to states for investment in high speed and inner city passenger rail.
$2 billion for high speed rail.
$850 million for Amtrak
$100 million to Maritime administration for assistance to small shipyards.
$76.8 billion plus in education investments.
$2.9 billion for weatherization programs.
$2 billion for advanced battery manufacturing.
$7 billion for loan guarantees for standard renewables.
$800 million for construction of ports of entry.

Personally, this “stimulus package” sure smells like the special interest groups put it together cause it sure doesn’t have anything in it that’s going to really help the average Joe who’s going to have to PAY for this. This “stimulus package” is supposed to help put American’s back to work, not line the pockets of big business.

My other issue with this “stimulus package” is as follows.

$39 billion for state fiscal relief targeted directly for education.

$13.5 billion for special education funding: This would bring the federal government closer to the promised 40 percent of the national average per pupil expenditure for every child in special education. This will help relieve the increasing burden at the local level to cover the rising costs of special education, and allow districts the flexibility to retain support staff and teachers in the classrooms where they are so desperately needed.

$10.4 billion for title I: The additional investment in Title I is a critical investment towards children in poverty. As more and more children are classified as poor during this economic downturn, this substantial additional investment will help local school districts ensure that their academic needs are being met.

It’s time to end “FREE” education! It’s time we charge parents who use the school systems. Maybe if they have to pay we’d have better return for the dollar. Most kids graduating from high school today aren’t worth the ink on their diplomas! I mean, most can’t even fill out a standard employment application … how sad is this????

Last but not least!

$3 billion plus for job training.
$3.25 billion for workforce investment programs.
$5 billion for supplemental grants to public housing authorities for capital needs.

$87 billion in temporary and targeted medicaid relief to states: Leading economists have found that targeted aid of this sort will generate increased economic activity of $1.36 for every $1 spent. Moreover, with unemployment up, the number of people who are eligible for Medicaid also rises. Increasing the federal investment in Medicaid will shore up the safety net for those vulnerable families.

Honestly, who will benefit most from the above. Illegal Aliens, Hispanics, Blacks, Migrant Workers, and most Immigrants. The average white American will never see a cent of these monies. I know ... I’ve been there!

The bottom line, it looks like our representatives are back to business as usual in Washington. As for my support on this so called "stimulus package"? ... FREAKING NOT!

DoN't Be StUpId!

Valentine's Day
and every day
>>> CAP IT <<<
there's no excuse to not play safe
See Why Here

Pot Smoking

The flap over Michael Phelps smoking pot is really out of control and I take issue with how the media and the public is dealing with it.

In this day and age, being a role model is no easy task. I certainly wouldn’t want the position, because should I act or say something that society doesn’t agree with I would be torn down, my face rubbed in the dirt, then spat out like an over chewed piece of gum. The responsibility of a role model is just to heavy of a burden and sometimes the outcome is worse then the original offense itself.

Ok, Phelps’ first mistake was smoking pot in a public place. He should have known better! However, before we tar and feather the guy lets stop and think about the his lack of judgment. Perhaps we won’t find his actions as offensive?

As a society we glorify alcohol consumption like it’s God! Everywhere you turn alcohol is advertised, sold, and served. American’s love and worship alcohol. But god forbid if someone lights a joint. This double standard is so hypercritical and absolutely ridiculous.

My point is this. If you drink then you are as guilty as Phelps is for smoking pot. If Phelps shouldn’t smoke pot then we shouldn’t be consuming alcohol. After all, alcohol is a drug and God only knows how much American’s love to drink. Therefore, lets practice what we preach and stop being so judgmental while in one hand you have your favorite cocktail and maybe in the other, a cigarette.

Flight 1549

As many of you now know, Gerry McNamara (New York/Charlotte) was on US Airways Flight 1549 last week. We caught up with him to discuss the harrowing incident and - in a departure from our usual format—present his stirring account as told to us:

Thursday was a difficult day for all of us at the firm and I left the Park Avenue office early afternoon to catch a cab bound for LaGuardia Airport.

I was scheduled for a 5 pm departure, but able to secure a seat on the earlier flight scheduled to leave at 3PM. As many of us who fly frequently often do, I recall wondering if I'd just placed myself on a flight I shouldn't be on!

Just prior to boarding I finished up a conference call with my associate, Jenn Sparks (New York), and our placement, the CIO of United Airlines. When I told him that I was about to board a US Airways flight, we all had a little fun with it.

I remember walking on the plane and seeing a fellow with gray hair in the cockpit and thinking "that's a good thing... I like to see gray hair in the cockpit!"

I was seated in 8F, on the starboard side window and next to a young business man. The New York to Charlotte flight is one I've taken what seems like hundreds of times over the years. We take off north over the Bronx and as we climb, turn west over the Hudson River to New Jersey and tack south. I love to fly, always have, and this flight plan gives a great view of several NY landmarks including Yankee Stadium and the George Washington Bridge.

I had started to point out items of interest to the gentleman next to me when we heard a terrible crash - a sound no one ever wants to hear while flying - and then the engines wound down to a screeching halt. 10 seconds later, there was a strong smell of jet fuel. I knew we would be landing and thought the pilot would take us down no doubt to Newark Airport. As we began to turn south I noticed the pilot lining up on the river still - I thought - en route for Newark.

Next thing we heard was "Brace for impact!" - a phrase I had heard many years before as an active duty Marine Officer but never before on a commercial air flight. Click for more…

Everyone looked at each other in shock. It all happened so fast we were astonished!

We began to descend rapidly and it started to sink in. This is the last flight. I'm going to die today. This is it. I recited my favorite bible verse, the Lord's Prayer, and asked God to take care of my wife, children, family and friends.

When I raised my head I noticed people texting their friends and family….getting off a last message. My blackberry was turned off and in my trouser pocket…no time to get at it. Our descent continued and I prayed for courage to control my fear and help if able.

I quickly realized that one of two things was going to happen, neither of them good. We could hit by the nose, flip and break up, leaving few if any survivors, bodies, cold water, fuel. Or we could hit one of the wings and roll and flip with the same result. I tightened my seat belt as tight as I could possibly get it so I would remain intact.

As we came in for the landing, I looked out the windows and remember seeing the buildings in New Jersey, the cliffs in Weehawken, and then the piers. The water was dark green and sure to be freezing cold. The stewardesses were yelling in unison "Brace! Brace! Brace!"

It was a violent hit - the water flew up over my window - but we bobbed up and were all amazed that we remained intact.

There was some panic - people jumping over seats and running towards the doors, but we soon got everyone straightened out and calmed down. There were a lot of people that took leadership roles in little ways. Those sitting at the doors over the wing did a fantastic job…they were opened in a New York second! Everyone worked together - teamed up and in groups to figure out how to help each other.

I exited on the starboard side of the plane, 3 or 4 rows behind my seat through a door over the wing and was, I believe, the 10th or 12th person out. I took my seat cushion as a flotation device and once outside saw I was the only one who did….none of us remembered to take the yellow inflatable life vests from under the seat.

We were standing in 6-8 inches of water and it was freezing. There were two women on the wing, one of whom slipped off into the water. Another passenger and I pulled her back on and had her kneel down to keep from falling off again. By that point we were totally soaked and absolutely frozen from the icy wind.

The ferries were the first to arrive, and although they're not made for rescue, they did an incredible job. I know this river, having swum in it as a boy. The Hudson is an estuary - part salt and part fresh water - and moves with the tide. I could tell the tide was moving out because we were tacking slowly south towards Ellis Island, The Statue of Liberty, and The Battery.

The first ferry boat pulled its bow up to the tip of the wing, and the first mate lowered the Jacobs ladder down to us. We got a couple people up the ladder to safety, but the current was strong pushing the stern of the boat into the inflatable slide and we were afraid it would puncture it…there must have been 25 passengers in it by now. Only two or three were able to board the first ferry before it moved away.

Another ferry came up, and we were able to get the woman that had fallen into the water on the ladder, but she just couldn't move her legs and fell off. Back onto the ladder she went; however, the ferry had to back away because of the swift current. A helicopter arrived on station (nearly blowing us all off the wing) and followed the ferry with the woman on the ladder. We lost view of the situation but I believe the helicopter lowered its basket to rescue her.

As more ferries arrived, we were able to get people up on the boats a few at a time. The fellow in front of me fell off the ladder and into the water. When we got him back on the ladder he could not move his legs to climb. I couldn't help him from my position so I climbed up the ladder to the ferry deck where the first mate and I hoisted the Jacobs ladder with him on it…when he got close enough we grabbed his trouser belt and hauled him on deck. We were all safely off the wing.

We could not stop shaking. Uncontrollable shaking. The only thing I had with me was my blackberry, which had gotten wet and was not working. (It started working again a few hours later).

The ferry took us to the Weehawken Terminal in NJ where I borrowed a phone and called my wife to let her know I was okay. The second call I made was to Jenn. I knew she would be worried about me and could communicate to the rest of the firm that I was fine. At the terminal, first responders assessed everyone's condition and sent people to the hospital as needed. As we pulled out of Weehawken my history kicked in and I recall it was the site of the famous duel between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr in 1804. Thankfully I left town in better condition than Mr. Hamilton who died of a mortal wound the next day! I stayed with my sister on Long Island that evening, then flew home the next day.

I am struck by what was truly a miracle. Had this happened a few hours later, it would have been pitch dark and much harder to land. Ferries would no longer have been running after rush hour and it would not have been the same uplifting story. Surely there would have been fatalities, hypothermia, an absolute disaster!

I witnessed the best of humanity that day. I and everyone on that plane survived and have been given a second chance. It struck me that in our work we continuously seek excellence to solve our client's leadership problems. We talk to clients all the time about the importance of experience and the ability to execute. Experience showed up big time on Flight 1549 as our pilot was a dedicated, trained, experienced professional who executed flawlessly when he had to.

I have received scores of emails from across the firm and I am so grateful for the outpouring of interest and concern. We all fly a great deal or work with someone who does and so I wanted to share this story - the story of a miracle. I am thankful to be here to tell the tale.

There is a great deal to be learned including: Why has this happened to me? Why have I survived and what am I supposed to do with this gift?

For me, the answers to these questions and more will come over time, but already I find myself being more patient and forgiving, less critical and judgmental.

For now I have 4 lessons I would like to share:

1. Cherish your families as never before and go to great lengths to keep your promises.

2. Be thankful and grateful for everything you have and don't worry about the things you don't have.

3. Keep in shape. You never know when you'll be called upon to save your own life, or help someone else save theirs.

4. When you fly, wear practical clothing. You never know when you'll end up in an emergency or on an icy wing in flip flops and pajamas and of absolutely no use to yourself or anyone else.

Thanks to all who have reached out … I look forward to seeing you soon!

This is from a Partner at Heidrick & Struggles who was on Flight 1549.

Peckerheads

Did you know that Viagra now comes in a nasal spray?

Yeah! It’s for peckerheads!

Author Unknown

Hey, What's In A Name!?!

Professor Wichman’s Email

The story begins at Michigan State University with a mechanical engineering professor named Indrek Wichman. Wichman sent an e-mail to the Muslim Student's Association. The e-mail was in response to the students' protest of the Danish cartoons that portrayed the Prophet Muhammad as a terrorist. The group had complained the cartoons were 'hate speech.' In his e-mail, he said the following:

Dear Moslem Association,

As a professor of Mechanical Engineering here at MSU I intend to protest your protest. I am offended not by cartoons, but by more mundane things like beheadings of civilians, cowardly attacks on public buildings, suicide murders, murders of Catholic priests (the latest in Turkey ), burnings of Christian churches, the continued persecution of Coptic Christians in Egypt , the imposition of Sharia law on non-Muslims, the rapes of Scandinavian girls and women (called 'whores' in your culture), the murder of film directors in Holland , and the rioting and looting in Paris France. This is what offends me, a soft-spoken person and academic, and many, many of my colleagues.

I counsel you dissatisfied, aggressive, brutal, and uncivilized slave-trading Moslems to be very aware of this as you proceed with your infantile 'protests.' If you do not like the values of the West - see the 1st Amendment—you are free to leave. I hope for God's sake that most of you choose that option . Please return to your ancestral homelands and build them up yourselves instead of troubling Americans.

Cordially,
I. S. Wichman
Professor of Mechanical Engineering

As you can imagine, the Muslim group at the university didn't like this too well. They're demanding that Wichman be reprimanded and the university impose mandatory diversity training for faculty and mandate a seminar on hate and discrimination for all freshmen. Now the local chapter of CAIR has jumped into the fray. CAIR, the Council on American-Islamic Relations, apparently doesn't believe that the good professor had the right to express his opinion.

For its part, the university is standing its ground in support of Professor Wichman, saying the e-mail was private, and they don't intend to publicly condemn his remarks.

Send this to your friends, and ask them to do the same. Tell them to keep passing it around until the whole country gets it. We are in a war. This political correctness crap is getting old and killing us.