Matrimonial Tails

Love Your Enemy

· From his death bed, the husband told his wife, "After I die, I want you to marry Sammy."

· "Sammy? But he is your enemy!"

· "Yes, I know. . .but after my having suffered all these years, so let him suffer now."

The Wedding Ring

· At a cocktail party, one woman asked another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

· The other replied, "Yes I am. . .I married the wrong man."

Same Service

· A husband told the marriage counselor, "When we were first married, as soon as I come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now, after 10 years of marriage, it's all different; when I come home, the dog brings my slippers and my wife runs around barking."

· "You're still getting the same service, aren't you!" replied the counselor.

Speak No Ill

One woman told another: "My neighbor is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward. . .but have I ever said anything bad about him?"

Kiss And Love

· One day, a wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that, too?" 

· "I would love to, but I don't know her well enough," replied the husband

Coming Home Late

· A woman complained to a neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.

The neighbor responded, "Do what I did. Once my husband came home at 3 o'clock in the morning, and I called out from my bed: 'Is that you, Jim?' And that cured him."

· "Interesting. . .but how did that cure him?"

· "You see, his name is Bill."

Problem Fatherhood

· "You looked troubled. . .what's seems to be the problem?" a fellow asked his pal.

· "I'm going to be a father," the pal replied.

· "But that's wonderful. . .there's nothing wrong with it, is there?"

· "Oh yes there is. . . my wife doesn't know anything about it!"

Author Unknown