Quotable Quotes By Some Famous People

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,
'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (Jimmy Carter's mother) -

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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue:
'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt -

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Recently, I stated that a certain woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain -

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns -

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Santa Claus has the right idea.
Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge -

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Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain -

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By all means, marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates -

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I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx -

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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante -

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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor -

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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine -

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My luck is so bad that
if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield -

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Money can't buy you happiness....
But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan -

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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
- Joe Namath -

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I don't feel old.
I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope -

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields -

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We could certainly slow the aging process down
if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers -

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Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill -

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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty...
But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller -

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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal -

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The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

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May your troubles be less,
may your blessings be more,
and may nothing but happiness

come through your door.

-Contribution by Ralph-