An advertisement featuring the "typical" picture of a beautiful, slim, nicely-tanned, young female model appeared on the window of a gym, and emblazoned below the model's photo are the words:
"THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?"
A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics apparently did not match those of the young woman on the poster, sent a letter to the gym's staff. The letter said:
To Whom It May Concern:
Whales are always surrounded by friends --- dolphins, sea lions, curious humans. They have an active sex life, they get pregnant, and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time stuffing themselves with shrimp and krill. They play and swim in the seas, and they see wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected, and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids, on the other hand, don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of some Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis---fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, [not to mention that they probably don't have a normal female "you-know-what"], so, how could they have sex? Therefore, they couldn't have kids, either. And who wants to get close to a creature who's skin is scaly and smells like a fish?
The choice is perfectly clear to me. I'd rather be a whale.
Lastly, we are in an age when the media put into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my grandkids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a cup of latte with my friends. With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our head that when there is no more room up there, it is distributed out to the rest of our body. So we aren't just heavy with information and wisdom; we are enormously cultured, educated, and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror, I will think: "Good God, look how smart I am!"
-BIG BERTHA-
"THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?"
A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics apparently did not match those of the young woman on the poster, sent a letter to the gym's staff. The letter said:
To Whom It May Concern:
Whales are always surrounded by friends --- dolphins, sea lions, curious humans. They have an active sex life, they get pregnant, and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time stuffing themselves with shrimp and krill. They play and swim in the seas, and they see wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected, and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids, on the other hand, don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of some Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis---fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, [not to mention that they probably don't have a normal female "you-know-what"], so, how could they have sex? Therefore, they couldn't have kids, either. And who wants to get close to a creature who's skin is scaly and smells like a fish?
The choice is perfectly clear to me. I'd rather be a whale.
Lastly, we are in an age when the media put into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my grandkids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a cup of latte with my friends. With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our head that when there is no more room up there, it is distributed out to the rest of our body. So we aren't just heavy with information and wisdom; we are enormously cultured, educated, and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror, I will think: "Good God, look how smart I am!"
-BIG BERTHA-
