Dear Marty,
Like you, I meet my first love in an on line hook up site. After four years with my “friend/partner” I discovered that he had been cheating with several other guys on line. Nonetheless, after finding out about my partner’s extra curricular activities, I did everything possible to salvage the relationship because I truly loved the guy, but to no avail. To add insult to injury, he moved in with one of the guys he was cheating with. Ironically, three months later they went their separate ways. After his breakup with the “other” guy he tried his best to rekindle our relationship, but that was no longer an option for me. My philosophy is; Once a cheater, always a cheater … the same goes for lying.
Shortly after our breakup I decided to get an HIV test. What prompted me to do so is unclear. Nevertheless, something kept prodding me to have the test done. I will have to say that the long two week wait was an unsettling one. Before now, I never worried about being tested because I trusted the monogamous relationship I was in. When we first started dating we discussed the monogamy issue extensively and we both agreed that we would be forever sexually exclusive with one another. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case and my test results came back positive. Needless to say, I was devastated! My “friend/partner” infected me. In an instant, my life was totally changed because he couldn’t keep his pants up.
By no means is yours or my situation unique. There are countless of other couples are in the same situation as you and I. Today, the internet has made sex so easily available and extremely easy for anyone to cheat. With a click of the mouse you can be in bed with anyone in a matter of minutes. What’s even more dumbfounding is that cheater’s never think that they will get caught. But they always do! When you live a lie it eventually catches up with you and in my case the lie was not pretty by any means of the word. As to how I found out about my partner’s sexual activities, it was being openly discussed on line and a loyal friend of mine just happen to be in the chat room that evening who in turn emailed me the entire discussion.
I am here to tell you that most on line guys who frequent hook up sites only care about themselves. They are emotionally empty character’s who will use you for their own personal satisfaction. Outside of that, you are nothing to them! Therefore, Marty, my personal advice to you is this … Never, never settle down with someone from an on line hook up site. These hook up sites provides nothing more than a quick fix for sexual addicts who are looking for nothing more then their next sexual high. Sadly, many who frequent these sites end up lonely and empty. At the end of the day, most end up with no one who truly cares about them. These sites are nothing more than a lonely hearts club for sexual addicts and predators.
Is there a silver lining in all of this I am sharing with you? Yes! I want you to know that there are men out there who are looking for a sincere friend and soul mate. These men are not looking for their next dick or ass fix, but are looking for one individual with whom they can find complete fulfillment in all aspects of their lives. Trust me, these types of men are not found in hook up sites cause most have experienced, in one way or another, the very same things you and I have. Therefore, if nothing else, give up the hook up sites … set your standards high and don’t waver from them because you are worth more than to be someone’s toss in the hey and a notch on his bedpost. Do not settle for meritocracy … settle for integrity. In doing so, you will find that your life will be so much happier and less complicated.
In conclusion, today I am HIV positive … I am at peace with this! Though I still live with the scares of my past, the last two years and the man I feel in love with has brought healing and forgiveness into my life. He and I are committed to each other. Our commitment is backed up with actions that speak louder than words. I am the moon to his sunshine … I have been cleansed with love! So, Marty, whatever you do, don’t give up on yourself or in finding that one special someone with whom you can have a bountiful and lasting relationship.
James
Shared with permission from the writer who is responding to July 17/08 "Question & Answer" posting.
Like you, I meet my first love in an on line hook up site. After four years with my “friend/partner” I discovered that he had been cheating with several other guys on line. Nonetheless, after finding out about my partner’s extra curricular activities, I did everything possible to salvage the relationship because I truly loved the guy, but to no avail. To add insult to injury, he moved in with one of the guys he was cheating with. Ironically, three months later they went their separate ways. After his breakup with the “other” guy he tried his best to rekindle our relationship, but that was no longer an option for me. My philosophy is; Once a cheater, always a cheater … the same goes for lying.
Shortly after our breakup I decided to get an HIV test. What prompted me to do so is unclear. Nevertheless, something kept prodding me to have the test done. I will have to say that the long two week wait was an unsettling one. Before now, I never worried about being tested because I trusted the monogamous relationship I was in. When we first started dating we discussed the monogamy issue extensively and we both agreed that we would be forever sexually exclusive with one another. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case and my test results came back positive. Needless to say, I was devastated! My “friend/partner” infected me. In an instant, my life was totally changed because he couldn’t keep his pants up.
By no means is yours or my situation unique. There are countless of other couples are in the same situation as you and I. Today, the internet has made sex so easily available and extremely easy for anyone to cheat. With a click of the mouse you can be in bed with anyone in a matter of minutes. What’s even more dumbfounding is that cheater’s never think that they will get caught. But they always do! When you live a lie it eventually catches up with you and in my case the lie was not pretty by any means of the word. As to how I found out about my partner’s sexual activities, it was being openly discussed on line and a loyal friend of mine just happen to be in the chat room that evening who in turn emailed me the entire discussion.
I am here to tell you that most on line guys who frequent hook up sites only care about themselves. They are emotionally empty character’s who will use you for their own personal satisfaction. Outside of that, you are nothing to them! Therefore, Marty, my personal advice to you is this … Never, never settle down with someone from an on line hook up site. These hook up sites provides nothing more than a quick fix for sexual addicts who are looking for nothing more then their next sexual high. Sadly, many who frequent these sites end up lonely and empty. At the end of the day, most end up with no one who truly cares about them. These sites are nothing more than a lonely hearts club for sexual addicts and predators.
Is there a silver lining in all of this I am sharing with you? Yes! I want you to know that there are men out there who are looking for a sincere friend and soul mate. These men are not looking for their next dick or ass fix, but are looking for one individual with whom they can find complete fulfillment in all aspects of their lives. Trust me, these types of men are not found in hook up sites cause most have experienced, in one way or another, the very same things you and I have. Therefore, if nothing else, give up the hook up sites … set your standards high and don’t waver from them because you are worth more than to be someone’s toss in the hey and a notch on his bedpost. Do not settle for meritocracy … settle for integrity. In doing so, you will find that your life will be so much happier and less complicated.
In conclusion, today I am HIV positive … I am at peace with this! Though I still live with the scares of my past, the last two years and the man I feel in love with has brought healing and forgiveness into my life. He and I are committed to each other. Our commitment is backed up with actions that speak louder than words. I am the moon to his sunshine … I have been cleansed with love! So, Marty, whatever you do, don’t give up on yourself or in finding that one special someone with whom you can have a bountiful and lasting relationship.
James
Shared with permission from the writer who is responding to July 17/08 "Question & Answer" posting.
No comments:
Post a Comment