Question:
“… I meet my first love on line. Two months into our relationship I found out that he was cheating on me with others on line. Now I’m crushed and life hasn’t been the same since. I’m still with the guy, but I no longer trust him as my friend, let alone my lover. I feel so betrayed. Where did I do wrong? …. - Marty
Response:
Finding out that your partner is a cheater is a serious matter and you have every right to feel betrayed, specially if the understanding between the two of you was that of a monogamous relationship. Then there’s the health issue … if he’s sleeping around then you are sleeping with all of his conquests as well. So, yeah!, you have every right to be upset as well as concerned.
There are two types of relationships. Open and Closed. An OPEN relationship is where each of you or both of you can sexually sleep around with anyone. A CLOSED relationship is where both of you are sexually exclusive with one another. Unfortunately, in today’s world the line between the two can be really blurred. Therefore, it’s imperative that couples heading into a long-term relationship discuss these issues openly and honestly, otherwise this single issue can determine weather or not your relationship can withstand the test of time.
As for where you went wrong? Personally, you didn’t do anything wrong! However, for a minute think about this … You meet your partner on a gay sex pickup site! That in itself should tell you volumes. It has been my experience that men who frequent these sites think from between their legs and not from between their ears.
It is my opinion that 90% of men on these sites aren’t worth the time … specially if you’re looking for a long-term relationship. If you’re looking for a sexual quick fix, well, these sites will fulfill that for you. But to think that you’ll find a faithful partner … likely NOT! As for the rest, well, 8% of those online you should take with a grain of salt. Typically these types of individuals are looking for “friendships” (I do use the word loosely) with benefits … pretty much the same as an open relationship but generally more cynical. Now it’s the 1% that you really have to look out for … statically these individuals carry the HIV virus and/or are infected with STD’s. Sadly, these individuals care little about themselves, let alone anyone else … they are solely out to destroy as many lives as possible.
So, is there anyone you can meet on line that you can engage in a healthy productive relationship? Yes! The remaining 1%. Though rare, it is possible to find that one individual on line who respects himself, will respect you as a person, respect the relationship, and be able to commit to a healthy monogamous long-term commitment. You may have to search for this God send, but they do exist. However, you are more than likely not going to find this individual on line. Individuals looking for a productive long lasting relationships typically don’t frequent these sites ... they have better things to do with their life than deal with on liners. So, where do you find this one in a million? In every day life … at work, the grocery store, at the beach, etc. I found my twenty-seven year relationship at his garage sale … from that point forward we were inseparable. I was lucky!
My rule of thumb is this; if you can’t take it home to mother then you needn’t take it home period. And when you do meet someone don’t be afraid to ask for their pet agree … proof of HIV status and STD history, and get tested yourself … Knowledge is Power! As for your partner, only you can decide what is best for the long haul.
You have two choices. First and foremost, if you really love the guy see if you can work it out. Maybe there’s something between the two of you that isn’t being fulfilled. Whatever that may be, the best advice I can give is that you need to communicate … talk it out! Who knows, maybe the both of you will find that common ground on which you can agree? In other words, if you want to leave you need to earn your way out of the relationship! If you both can’t come to terms with the issue and you find that what he wants isn’t what you want, then you will have earned your way out of the situation and you’ll be free to leave with a clean and clear conscious. Yeah, right now it hurts, but try and pull yourself together and give it your best shot … at least he can’t say that you didn’t give it a chance.
If I can be of any further help let me know and I wish you luck.
“… I meet my first love on line. Two months into our relationship I found out that he was cheating on me with others on line. Now I’m crushed and life hasn’t been the same since. I’m still with the guy, but I no longer trust him as my friend, let alone my lover. I feel so betrayed. Where did I do wrong? …. - Marty
Response:
Finding out that your partner is a cheater is a serious matter and you have every right to feel betrayed, specially if the understanding between the two of you was that of a monogamous relationship. Then there’s the health issue … if he’s sleeping around then you are sleeping with all of his conquests as well. So, yeah!, you have every right to be upset as well as concerned.
There are two types of relationships. Open and Closed. An OPEN relationship is where each of you or both of you can sexually sleep around with anyone. A CLOSED relationship is where both of you are sexually exclusive with one another. Unfortunately, in today’s world the line between the two can be really blurred. Therefore, it’s imperative that couples heading into a long-term relationship discuss these issues openly and honestly, otherwise this single issue can determine weather or not your relationship can withstand the test of time.
As for where you went wrong? Personally, you didn’t do anything wrong! However, for a minute think about this … You meet your partner on a gay sex pickup site! That in itself should tell you volumes. It has been my experience that men who frequent these sites think from between their legs and not from between their ears.
It is my opinion that 90% of men on these sites aren’t worth the time … specially if you’re looking for a long-term relationship. If you’re looking for a sexual quick fix, well, these sites will fulfill that for you. But to think that you’ll find a faithful partner … likely NOT! As for the rest, well, 8% of those online you should take with a grain of salt. Typically these types of individuals are looking for “friendships” (I do use the word loosely) with benefits … pretty much the same as an open relationship but generally more cynical. Now it’s the 1% that you really have to look out for … statically these individuals carry the HIV virus and/or are infected with STD’s. Sadly, these individuals care little about themselves, let alone anyone else … they are solely out to destroy as many lives as possible.
So, is there anyone you can meet on line that you can engage in a healthy productive relationship? Yes! The remaining 1%. Though rare, it is possible to find that one individual on line who respects himself, will respect you as a person, respect the relationship, and be able to commit to a healthy monogamous long-term commitment. You may have to search for this God send, but they do exist. However, you are more than likely not going to find this individual on line. Individuals looking for a productive long lasting relationships typically don’t frequent these sites ... they have better things to do with their life than deal with on liners. So, where do you find this one in a million? In every day life … at work, the grocery store, at the beach, etc. I found my twenty-seven year relationship at his garage sale … from that point forward we were inseparable. I was lucky!
My rule of thumb is this; if you can’t take it home to mother then you needn’t take it home period. And when you do meet someone don’t be afraid to ask for their pet agree … proof of HIV status and STD history, and get tested yourself … Knowledge is Power! As for your partner, only you can decide what is best for the long haul.
You have two choices. First and foremost, if you really love the guy see if you can work it out. Maybe there’s something between the two of you that isn’t being fulfilled. Whatever that may be, the best advice I can give is that you need to communicate … talk it out! Who knows, maybe the both of you will find that common ground on which you can agree? In other words, if you want to leave you need to earn your way out of the relationship! If you both can’t come to terms with the issue and you find that what he wants isn’t what you want, then you will have earned your way out of the situation and you’ll be free to leave with a clean and clear conscious. Yeah, right now it hurts, but try and pull yourself together and give it your best shot … at least he can’t say that you didn’t give it a chance.
If I can be of any further help let me know and I wish you luck.
No comments:
Post a Comment