Warning Labels

I'm sure you’ve heard about this woman suing Victoria Secrets for a defective thong. She claims that a decorative piece came flying off the thong and hit her in the eye, thus causing permanent damage. So, will Victoria Secrets have to put warning labels on their thongs? If I had anything to do with the wording of these labels it would read something like this. Warning! For your safety wear shatter proof glasses at the time of fitting. Thong’s may cause permanent damage to the beholder if worn by ugly and obese individuals. Hey, we’ve all seen some pretty unsightly shows of thong wearers.

Seriously, the woman is a moron and looking for nothing more than a free handout from Victoria Secrets. My first reaction was out right laughter! Then I got to thinking. How the hell did she have her face so close to the thong that a decorative piece would hit her in the eye? When I put my undergarment on I’m usually standing upright … my face ain’t all up into my stuff! Then my mind wondered … perhaps she was wearing the thong over her head? Hey, there are those who get into it! Nonetheless, talk about a lawsuit not even worth it’s weight in gold … please! I mean, I’m sorry that the woman’s eye sustained some kind of damage, but come on now! My advice to her; maybe you shouldn't wear Victoria Secrets’ thong and stick to a Wal-Mart brand?

Hey!, maybe I can sue Levi's because my stuff got caught the zipper? Can you imagine the warning label on this one? Warning! Please make sure your _ _ _ _ is well tucked before zipping!